DO I STAY OR DO I GO?

So I'm seriously unsure about things this morning. And it all has to do with this Edmonton trip that happens tomorrow. I really don't know if I honestly want to go anymore. And it should be fun, would be fun, but really I just don't know if I have the desire to leave for the next 5 days. Although being at home wouldn't be any fun, at least it would afford me the slight chance of being by myself from time to time. And I suppose that's the real issue: I think I'm going to go nuts from all those people being around all of the time! They're my friends, and I like them and enjoy their company, but to see them every hour of every day for 5 days could be a bit much. And right now, I just feel the need to be by myself. Can't really explain why, I don't think that it's something that I can write down in here, but being alone is a really good thing right now. On the other hand, at least being with people wouldn't allow me to be able to think all that much. Which is what I would be doing if I was alone. And I don't really need to think, I've thought it all through already. I know what my concerns with life at this moment are, it's just a matter of expressing them to the appropriate people. Funny how concerns with some people just aren't an issue with others and vice versa, eh? I don't think I'd ever really seen that before til now, and I'm kind of bewildered by that. I mean, I'd always known it up in my head, but it becomes a whole new ballgame when it gets slapped in your face when you're not expecting it. Or maybe it's just that old issues are coming to the surface again. Things that I thought had been long buried are coming back and it's kind of freaky. Makes me think that I really haven't grown quite as much as I thought I had. Even though I know that's untrue; I'm so much smarter than I used to be. But in low moments, it really makes one doubt oneself. And so I suppose it doesn't help when those doubts are absorbed into the current issue(s), making it even harder to talk to people about it (or them). Even though I know the people involved would be very understanding about everything. But maybe that's another problem. I finally have people in my life who are understanding, and I guess I'm just not used to that. I'm used to hiding parts of who I am in the fear of being rejected, and that's certainly not a healthy place to be! But I'm not there anymore; I'm in an entirely different place and I suppose I'm still trying to get used to the new surroundings. And I suppose it's going to take a while to settle in, which is why I'm so completely unsettled by the return of former issues. It really doesn't make things easy. But then, it could all just be in my head, and it honestly probably is. It could be one of the easiest things to sort out, and it probably will be. But that doesn't change the fact that it would be much easier to just stay home and be by myself for the next 5 days. Avoiding the problem (even though it isn't really a problem yet) is always easier than facing it head-on! Although that gets you nowhere in life, and I'm planning on going places! Which I guess means that I should go to Edmonton. Avoidance really won't solve anything, but then maybe going won't either. I hate toss-ups like that!

SURPRISED

Ok so once again I have Jana telling me that I need to update this thing, although I don't know what her problem is, it's only been a week since I last wrote! And that's pretty good for me too!Oh well, I guess it has been a week after all. So yeah, I'm finally on Christmas vacation. I have ten days off and that's the most time off I've had since May. So you can imagine how excited I am to be able to sleep as long as I'm able to every morning instead of having to get up at 5! And being able to nap whenever I get tired and not having to worry about how it's going to mess up my sleep for the night! The last week of work was nice. Extremely busy, but I didn't really mind that too much. The students left and that left me free to clean some things that normally can't be done when students are around all the time. And I got off work at 9 yesterday morning too. It just doesn't get much better than that! (Except if I didn't have to work at all, which would be the ideal ofcourse. But seeing as how I did have to work, only working for 3.5 hours is a very nice alternative) Yesterday afternoon wasn't so great though. I went to a department Christmas party just before lunch and ate a lot of sugar. A LOT of sugar! And that really messed up my blood sugar level and so I was feeling quite ill for most of the afternoon. But I started feeling better after supper which was good because Steve and I got together and exchanged Christmas presents. And boy did he ever surprise me! Flabbergasted is a good word for it actually. First off, he got me a gift card to Chapters, which for those of you who know me would've been good enough. But then I opened up the second box and was stunned to find a gorgeous glass plate that has a butterfly imprinted into it. The thing about it is that it was something that I first saw 3 weeks ago at the Musicale craft sale and which I had showed to Steve in passing. Little did I know that he went back and bought it later that day! That turkey knew exactly what he was doing, but I gotta admit that it was a fabulous surprise!

SICK FRIDAY

So being sick on a Friday is not the most enjoyable way to end a week. Ofcourse that's just my opinion, but really, I can't imagine why anyone would argue with me on this. Being sick sucks, and having to work while being sick sucks even more. I was up most of the night with an upset stomache, finally fell asleep around 2:30 and then had to get up at 5. Not the best night I've ever had. And to top it off, I've been feeling queasy all day. I managed to work til about 11 this morning and then called it a day. Came home and slept. And I mean slept. I napped for about an hour, had lunch, and then fell asleep for almost another three hours. Felt so stinking good! it was just what my body needed. If being sick wasn't bad enough, my body is also doing this slow burnout that has me wiped out most of the time. So sleeping was just what I needed and I took full advantage of the fact that the house was empty and peaceful this afternoon! I'm feeling a bit better now though. Not quite as queasy as I was, and if my supper stays down for another half hour or so then I just might head over to Corrie's and spend a peaceful evening watching movies. Yea for movies nights!

CRAZY WEEK

So talk about a crazy week! It's been super busy but super slow. Yeah I know - again! But really, I thought I was going to go out of my mind waiting for this weekend to come. 11 work days in a row is a definite bummer. It will hopefully never happen again. Or at least not until YQ!! I finally finished clean-up from musicale on Wednesday and that was a really great feeling. No more hay in the classrooms!
But it has also been a very happy week for me. Or at least yesterday was. Steve officially asked me out yesterday! Yes yes, it is now official, so please don't ask me about it anymore! He asked for daddy's permission on Thursday, but I didn't know when he'd get around to asking me. He didn't make me wait for very long though cuz he suprised me at work yesterday morning. Came into the Bean at 7:30 while I was mopping the stairs and asked me to be his girlfriend! It was one of the weirdest (I was wearing disposable gloves and holding a mop!) and cutest moments of my life. And ofcourse I had a huge grin on my face for the rest of the day and everyone was asking me what was going on!! But yes, I feel like I'm glowing now. HAHAHAHAHA

STATE OF RECOVERY

So musicale was nuts. Oh was it ever insane. The worst weekend I've had in a long time. Which is sadly ironic seeing as how the whole weekend was about praising God, and I totally wasn't in the mood for that. At least not on Saturday anyways. Sunday was a bit better, but Saturday...yuck. And really I only had one problem. A major problem, but only the one. Bathrooms. More specifically, the women who were using the bathroom. I don't want to say they were stupid, but they really weren't all that smart. I was in the bathroom for an hour and a half straight yelling out how many stalls were available because the ladies would all stop once they saw the first five and refused to walk around the corner to where the other 12 were! So I had to stand there and call out how many were empty so that the line wouldn't stretch 30 feet out the door! Biggest headache of my life. I took 4 migraine pills within 3 hours and my head still hurt. But that's what working for 10 hours will do to ya I suppose!
BUT - I did get to see George! HAHA that was just the best thing ever! Hadn't seen her since September, and didn't really get to spend enough time with her, but at least I saw her. I was so exhausted when we said goodbye, however, that I nearly burst into tears. But Kris and Steve were there to give me hugs and cheer me up so it was alright.
Anyways, Sunday was better, I didn't have to work til the evening. When I did get done though I was so tired I thought it was more like 10:00 instead of the 7:30 that it actually was! LOL
Yesterday was an alright day though, mainly because I did most of my usual cleaning on Sunday evening. I was so tired though that I went to bed last night at 9:30...oh yeah, slept for 7 solid hours!! And because of how many extra hours I worked this weekend (14.5) that I now need to take off somewhere, I'm already done work for the day and it's only just past 10:30. Oh how I love days like that! It's so good, in fact, that I'm going to go back to bed!