UH HUH, RIGHT, YEP

Spoke too soon: a one inch razor slice on the leg, a nasty stubbed toe, and a doozy of a headache later, still wondering how today can get worse.

LOOK TO THE SIGNS

Ok, so wbat was meant to be a good day is sort of a contradiction. It was meant to be good, and I suppose that overall it is, but then these stupid things keep happening that make me wonder what else could possibly happen before tomorrow shows its face. For instance, early this morning I lost one of my favorite mittens. Just one, not both, it's all quite ridiculous and still bugs me to think about it. Then when I went to clean LA I couldn't finish my job because one of the girls took the mop and bucket and it was nowhere to be seen. So that was irksome seeing as how now their entryways are going to be muddy until Monday. Came home for lunch and was starting to set the table - was trying to get plates out of the cupboard when the plates slipped and a small dessert plate that I didn't know was on top of the pile came slipping down and hit me in the jaw before crashing to the floor and shattering all over the place. So there I was trying to clean up glass shatters while trying to rub my jaw, which thankfully wasn't bleeding. And then at lunch I ended up dropping my orange onto the floor! May not sound like a big deal but it was cut into slices and ofcourse it had to land face down on the floor - sucky sucky sucky. BUT other than all that it's been a really good day! I got lots of sleep last night and my arm isn't hurting all that much. I'm planning on taking a nap and curling my hair and making myself pretty before tonight, and if I stick to that plan then nothing else irksome should be able to happen! Ofcourse this is me I'm talking about, and things do tend to sporadically happen from time to time! :)

OOOOH

OH HO! Cross your fingers guys - just got some exciting news. Tomorrow's gonna be good!!

SUNSHINE, LOLLIPOPS, AND RAINBOWS

Spring has sprung and there's no turning back. At least, no major regressions should take place anymore, other than the occassional snow/rain mix that is bound to come a time or two. But really! It smells like spring. Like sunshine, and rain water, and cows. Yes, cows! It's never really the start of spring until one can smell the cows. It's turning into t-shirt weather, even though I need to wear a coat due to the fact that I'm always cold :) And guess what! Underneath all that ugly snow that was on my lawn, there is green grass. Green grass! How wonderful to see it, even if it will all disappear the first time my dad mows the lawn - LOL. Really it's perfect. Despite the dirty snow still lying around and the huge mud pit that is, in reality, called Center Street. Despite the wet pant hems and mud-caked shoes and dirty stairs that constantly need to be mopped. It's all lovely because it's spring. The only thing it needs to be perfect is the set-up of MY swing. HAHAHAHA

SPRING SPRING SPRING

Well it's officially spring now! Finally I feel like I can breathe. After the past long months of holding my breath and trying to make it through, it's nice to know that the other side has come. Even if there's still snow on the ground, it doesn't matter because I can say that it's spring. The first signs are already showing. Warmer temperatures somewhat constantly (not including that pesky windchill!) is making the snow melt, and get this - the sun is starting to rise before 7 in the morning! Do you have any idea how nice it is to see the sun come up that early??? And what's even better is the knowledge that soon enough the sun will be up WHILE I GO TO WORK! HAHAHAHAHA, that'll be a most beautiful day. Ah yes, the depression is lifting. Slowly, but surely as it always happens, it's going away. The warmer weather is coming and I can rest for a few months. Recooperation is always a great thing in my opinion.

SOME OF MY FAVORITE PICS

SUNSHINE

The lyrics are by John Reuben, but they pretty much explain what I've been feeling and thinking lately.

It's one of those moments in life when you feel incapable
I tried to hide but the feelings inside are sort of inescapable
and everything that I've become suddenly feels replaceable
and now I'm left to my inadequacy.
You get the point - all my goals seem out of reach and unattainable
Your thoughts get lost in the shuffle and become unexplainable
no words to match the emotion that I'm roller-coasting on
just feelings of devotion and hope and that someday soon they'll be gone.
I know lessons are learned through perseverance
and I know I grow when I can adhere to this
it's just hard sometimes to keep yourself a good perspective,
but God controls the hands of time and when the time is right I'll be perfected
even when what lies ahead seems so unbearable.
God's grace is still so remarkable yea
I can face any day with a faith that exceeds time and space
Lord give me the strength to change the pace
cuz I've been burning on energy that was meant to be directed differently
No wonder we find ourselves empty - worn out and burned out
with how things have turned out.
We've learned how to cope
but this whole thing is broke down and not working
typical earthling - searching for a system a coping mechanism;
Listen we're not meant to carry the load
or bear these burdens on our own
I'm tired of living in survival mode - gonna give it up and let it go
Give me some sunshine to clear my mind
and in the meantime I know that I'm gonna be just fine

Hmm. Well I'm not exactly feeling sick anymore. I was this morning, but that seems to have gone away - thankfully. No, the only thing that has me bugged right now is how dull it all is. Isn't life supposed to hold some sort of excitement? And I'm not saying that everything needs to be exciting, but it would be nice if some part of life was. As it is, it's all fairly boring. I'm 21 and yet it feels as though I'm living the life of a 60 year old. How sad is it that the most exciting thing to happen in the last few days is the fact that I did a word search yesterday? You may laugh but it's really not funny at all. It feels like there should be more of...something.

How sick can one possibly get before they start getting better?

LAZY x3

So I'ma thinking that work has just taken everything out of me. It's kinda ridiculous how yucky I feel right now. And it's not because of my cold, and it's not from an upset stomache, it's just this overall feeling of laziness that has overtaken my body. Sapped me of all strength. It's one of the few times that a nap has left me feeling even worse than before I fell asleep. And it's potato pizza night! This is very unfortunate because that is just the best meal ever! But yeah. 8 hours on my feet day in and day out is probably one of the reasons why. My next job had better be more friendly. Although I don't know why I'm thinking of my next job when I still have another 5 and a half months to go with this one. At least it sounds better than saying 6 months. That just sounds way too long to me. But have I mentioned that I'm currently feeling really lazy? Really really really lazy?! Yup, I don't think I'm going to get anything done tonight. Early bedtime probably. At least I only have to work for 4 hours tomorrow. To come home at 9:30 and crawl back into bed sounds good to me! Actually, I'd crawl into bed right now if I could get away with it

I don't care about the past. All I care about is today, this moment, and tomorrow

THE CALL OF DEATH

So why is it that if you are spared from death, you end up doing once again the very thing or things that brought death calling in the first place? Why does death still look so appealing once you've faced it before? Shouldn't you be completely dismayed by it and want to run as far away from it as you can? And yet you end up laughing at it; thinking that it can come so close that you can taste it, but that's all you'll do, it won't be able to get any closer than that. And so that's where you are. But what if you're wrong? Funny how more often than not what you think won't happen is what ends up happening. And so you'd think, you'd really really think, that if you knew that you'd stay away from death. You'd wrap yourself up in a blanket and drink herbal tea and stay at home for the next couple years. Unfortunately time marches on. And so does death. Because it doesn't really matter what you do to avoid it, death can find you anywhere, at any time. It's actually really surprising where death will catch you. You can even makes plans that you think will keep you safe from it. But in the end, death will have its way. It's kind of inevitable, which really sucks. Because the really cruel thing about death is that it wears down your determination. Makes you weak and vulnerable. And sometimes you don't even realize that that is what's happening because the build-up is gradual. On the other hand, though, sometimes you get slapped by it. The only way you can get an upper hand is by will and determination. Because no one really wants to die before their time. They may think that they want to, may actually really want to from time to time, but if you're thinking rationally then you always know that you don't want to. But this is another unfortunate part of it because if you're face to face with death, more often than not you are not thinking clearly. And that is why so many die. They aren't determined enough to gain the upper hand. Failure is the saddest thing don't you think? But then no one ever said that facing death would be easy, no one has ever denied that the taste of death is undescribably yummy. Cruelty takes so many forms. Most of which are completely unhealthy. I guess it's a good thing then that I've decided to go on a health kick. A sort of diet, if you will. Starve all that's unhealthy and maybe death won't find me again for a good long while. Well, I'm realistic, but that's the plan anyways!

I would write a meaningful, deep update of my life if there was anything meaninful and deep to relate. Or would I. Because this week has just been the pits of despair. Physically, that is. I like that phrase. Pits of despair. It's off of The Princess Bride. One of my favorite movies. So it makes sense I guess that it would be one of my favorite phrases. But I digress. Physically I'm wasted. And I have been for the past two weeks. Now I'm not sure why this is, but I have felt completely crummy for two weeks straight. And I'm kinda thinking that it's time for a break. Ofcourse, I should probably stop thinking that because whenever I do, I tend to get worse. I didn't think that I could feel any more horrible than I did last weekend, but I've somehow managed to top it. And the fact that I'm sleeping most of my life away at the moment doesn't really seem to be helping. In fact, it's sort of contributing to how gross I feel. At least it seems to. I know it's probably actually helping me, I'm just impatient. I'm not feeling any better, and I'm sleeping a lot more than usual, which should technically help don't ya think?, and I just continue to feel crummy. But at least the sore throat is almost gone. Thanks to multiple doses of honeyed tea and orange juice, although no thanks to dad who's been drinking the o.j. even more than me! And what's with that? I make it, he drinks it. Can't really blame the guy though, he's in even worse shape than me. If I'm in the pits, he's in the quicksand. Poor man can barely move. Grapefruit juice also works wonders. But then, anything citrus-y will. Totally burns the throat, but makes it feel better too. So does honey. Natural antibiotic baby! I put some in my yogurt today. Peaches and honey. Don't know if it tasted good or not, don't have much sense of taste at the moment. But that's ok. I'd put honey on everything right now if I could get away with it. Sticky but oh-so-good! Anyways. I'm wasted. Always happens at this time of year, and I don't know why. Poor immune system I suppose. Although I should have a better immune system than the kids of today have. Don't know why parents are so freaked out over having their kids swallow some sand or eat some grass. I used to eat handfuls of grass. It was yummy. But then people weren't so paranoid back when I was little. So yeah, I should be good. People keep telling me to sleep and get better and that's what I'm doing and it's not working. Little bit frustrated with that. Maybe I just need to stop listening to people. Ofcourse if I did that, I wouldn't know that wearing headphones for even just a few minutes increases the amount of bacteria in your ears 700 times. That's kinda gross. And I bet the same is true for earplugs and doesn't that just suck. Earplugs are wonderful things, until they get stuck in your ear. Thankfully I don't know that from personal experience, I'm only assuming. But I digress again. The point to this is that I don't have anything meaningful to write because I can't exert the brain energy in order to think of something meaningful. Headache you know. It happens. I need to go find some tylenol.