DO I STAY OR DO I GO?

So I'm seriously unsure about things this morning. And it all has to do with this Edmonton trip that happens tomorrow. I really don't know if I honestly want to go anymore. And it should be fun, would be fun, but really I just don't know if I have the desire to leave for the next 5 days. Although being at home wouldn't be any fun, at least it would afford me the slight chance of being by myself from time to time. And I suppose that's the real issue: I think I'm going to go nuts from all those people being around all of the time! They're my friends, and I like them and enjoy their company, but to see them every hour of every day for 5 days could be a bit much. And right now, I just feel the need to be by myself. Can't really explain why, I don't think that it's something that I can write down in here, but being alone is a really good thing right now. On the other hand, at least being with people wouldn't allow me to be able to think all that much. Which is what I would be doing if I was alone. And I don't really need to think, I've thought it all through already. I know what my concerns with life at this moment are, it's just a matter of expressing them to the appropriate people. Funny how concerns with some people just aren't an issue with others and vice versa, eh? I don't think I'd ever really seen that before til now, and I'm kind of bewildered by that. I mean, I'd always known it up in my head, but it becomes a whole new ballgame when it gets slapped in your face when you're not expecting it. Or maybe it's just that old issues are coming to the surface again. Things that I thought had been long buried are coming back and it's kind of freaky. Makes me think that I really haven't grown quite as much as I thought I had. Even though I know that's untrue; I'm so much smarter than I used to be. But in low moments, it really makes one doubt oneself. And so I suppose it doesn't help when those doubts are absorbed into the current issue(s), making it even harder to talk to people about it (or them). Even though I know the people involved would be very understanding about everything. But maybe that's another problem. I finally have people in my life who are understanding, and I guess I'm just not used to that. I'm used to hiding parts of who I am in the fear of being rejected, and that's certainly not a healthy place to be! But I'm not there anymore; I'm in an entirely different place and I suppose I'm still trying to get used to the new surroundings. And I suppose it's going to take a while to settle in, which is why I'm so completely unsettled by the return of former issues. It really doesn't make things easy. But then, it could all just be in my head, and it honestly probably is. It could be one of the easiest things to sort out, and it probably will be. But that doesn't change the fact that it would be much easier to just stay home and be by myself for the next 5 days. Avoiding the problem (even though it isn't really a problem yet) is always easier than facing it head-on! Although that gets you nowhere in life, and I'm planning on going places! Which I guess means that I should go to Edmonton. Avoidance really won't solve anything, but then maybe going won't either. I hate toss-ups like that!