MUSINGS

Sitting and wondering what the point is. NOT thinking that it's all pointless, but wondering what's the point. Shouldn't be stuck in a never-ending, always-routine job that I dislike and yet there it is. Same old thing day in and day out. Not always unpleasant, even pleasant SOMETIMES, but definitely not all that much fun. The end is in sight but is too far away as of yet. Something that can only be dreamt about, way too early to start crossing off days on the calendar. Wanting to do so so badly, wanting to get a jump start on the future and yet being stuck. Here. Wonderful. NOT. So struggling to see the point in the present. Definitely doesn't make much sense to be here. But knowing that there must be a point. Wishing for foresight, wanting it desperately. None of this great hindsight crap which has already been perfected. Wanting a reason! Just one little reason. Knowing that there are reasons for going through the Fall, but why now? Not seeing the point, can't handle any unrest. Been there, done too much of that. Wanting things to be easy, knowing that they probably never will be. The all-anticipated next year will be a hundred times more crazy than right now and wondering if it can all be handled. Will probably go insane once or twice, but at least it'll be exciting. Every day a new adventure to be lived through with so many things to do. Unlike now. Hateful routines. Some comfort in a routine, but not a hateful one. Then it just becomes loathed, and that it a well-known feeling. Needing things to change up a bit. Waiting for it...just waiting.