SURREAL LIFE

So I'm living my own version of the surreal life. And how my life became so surreal I really do not know; especially seeing as how I pretty much just work and come home. And I really don't even go anywhere, it's just what happens at work or at home that makes it so nuts. I guess if anyone else lived my life it wouldn't be such a surprise as to why I'm so tired all of the time. And really I don't think that my fatigue just stems from the physical aspect of my job (really it's not as physical as it could be!), I'm thinking that the majority of my fatigue is because my brain is being overworked. All the time. It's amazing how many people other than myself need my brain everyday. And I'm not trying to be conceited here, it's just the plain and sad truth. I sympathize with ______ (name will be omitted) when ____ (you can pick what you think the gender is) said that ____ (again - pick which gender you think fits) feels used. And I'm not saying that I feel used in the same way, the circumstances are completely different. But I do. And that's what's so surreal. If I'm not needed to give advice to someone, someone else expects me to listen to them rant. Or to drop everything and spend time with them. And that doesn't work out so well when I'm still at work myself! And you know something else? I'm quite sick of it. Why can't I rant once in awhile? Or be in a grumpy mood? And I mean that others besides Steve and my family see my grumpy mood. Because you want to know what's really surreal? I have this strange compulsion to not show what I'm really feeling when I'm in a pissed off mood. Or when I'm truly mad - only about 5 people have ever seen me that way. And why do you suppose that is? I'm thinking it may be due to the fact that I deal with people who are like that themselves so often, that it just ticks me off to feel that way myself. Like today for instance. I was talking to Steve about what to do on Valentine's Day and just the thought of that day really drove me nuts. And then I went and apologized for that! Why do I always feel guilty for not feeling happy? And when I'm not happy, why do I always downplay it and say it's due to the fact that I'm sore or I'm tired or that I'll be fine if I can just get a nap? Is my life a lie? I don't honestly think it is, but why do I consistently try to make things appear not quite so bad as they are? And if they really aren't that bad, why do I feel like they are? And if I'm sick of dealing with people all of the time, why do I feel so obligated to keep helping them out? Even though I know it drives me nuts. What on earth is wrong with me! I'm really glad that there isn't two of me, but at least there'd be someone to cry to if there was.